So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize