That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
