Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize