Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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