I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
