Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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