So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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