from now on my penis is your penis
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
