Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
