i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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