Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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