apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The uberlube is also flammable
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
