ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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