i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
