I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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