i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
