Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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