i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Two words: nipple clamps
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