I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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