Sponge bath it is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
