Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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