i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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