I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
