Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
