Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
