i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
