I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
