I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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