I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
