Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
