Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
