I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
