get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
