i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
