I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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