she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
