You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
