she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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