my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it because I queefed?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
