we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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