Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
