I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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