ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
