My nipple is on Facebook.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
