What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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