Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
