my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
