I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
