im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm