Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
