Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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