Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just pee around me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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