Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
