now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
