you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize