The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
