Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i now understand why vodka
Enjoy the penises
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
