part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
