I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
