I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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