drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
