someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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