I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
